The funniest thing I have read in ages!!!!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D
I warned you and here it is (you may wan't to print this out)
Olie's Big Brother 2!
Day 1 - Slamo admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Wiggo's Sis. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Kay is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Mr. Tweak later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Kheldar creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Izzy hits him with a spoon.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of eifel tower out of Noodles. After much persuasion by Kheldar, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the eifel tower task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Mr. Tweak, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat ******* in the house, eats half the Noodles. Izzy is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the eifel tower task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Mr. Tweak farts and blows eifel tower over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Wiggo's Sis cries.
6 - Kheldar gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Wiggo's Sis admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a spoon. Slamo says he never wears condoms because they make his thumb sore and Kheldar agrees. Kay goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual *******s. Mr. Tweak sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Kheldar.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Slamo goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Izzy and Wiggo's Sis are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Slamo.
9 - Izzy and Wiggo's Sis are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Kay sings them a song - teenage dirtbag - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Wiggo's Sis out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Wiggo's Sis leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Wiggo's Sis's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Kay has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Izzy is visibly depressed and is comforted by Kheldar, who tries to touch her on her chest hair.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Kheldar touching Izzy's chest hair over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Mr. Tweak refuses to run because his thumb hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Mr. Tweak finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Izzy calls Mr. Tweak a lazy thumb.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Slamo tells everyone individually that he thinks Izzy is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Izzy and Kheldar are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Slamo.
16 - The nominations are announced. Izzy can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Kheldar is equally stunned and turns to Izzy for comfort. Mr. Tweak is distraught and confesses to Kay that he thinks he is in love with Kheldar. Kay says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Kheldar out of the house. Izzy says she is gutted and even gives Kheldar a clipping of hair from her chest hair to prove how much she cares. Mr. Tweak is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Kheldar leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Izzy clipping the hair from her chest hair. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Tasmania in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Tasmania sounds like but Mr. Tweak says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Slamo as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Slamo successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Tasmania but also God Save The Queen, teenage dirtbag and the theme tune to Pr0n 4 U. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Slamo tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Mr. Tweak and Kay are nominated.
23 - Mr. Tweak and Kay take their nominations well and sit down with Slamo and Izzy to discuss why they voted for them. Slamo keeps quiet but Izzy accuses Mr. Tweak of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred thumb before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Kay out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. Kay leaves.
25 - Slamo becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Slamo's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of elephant dung using only a spoon. Slamo is unsure but Mr. Tweak is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Mr. Tweak breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the elephant incident from his childhood. Izzy tries to persuade him to stay but Slamo sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Mr. Tweak decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Izzy from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Slamo asks Izzy to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Slamo nominates Izzy to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Izzy.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Izzy graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Slamo is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Slamo takes his £70,000 and runs away to Tasmania. Nobody, including Izzy, ever sees him again.
The funniest thing I have read in ages!!!!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D
if you wan't to be in the next series of TT BB you have to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org entries end december 6th
At the request of wiggo ;)
hehehe.. nice one.. :thumb:
with names like kheldar, tweak, slamo, MR C we should be a shoe in for BB 2
btw since we all had withdrawals with TT being down do think u could live without your computer for 3 months?
I have only one thing to say;
WHAT'S WRONG WITH LEMONS??? :cry:
LMAO :thumb: Very good Olie, very clever, love it.
There is nothing at all wrong with lesbians!!! :DOriginally Posted by Wiggo's-sister
i wanna go in the next one, but i'm too lazy to email ya.
no email no go
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