Please report all spam threads, posts and suspicious members. We receive spam notifications and will take immediate action!
Page 130 of 157 FirstFirst ... 3080120128129130131132140 ... LastLast
Results 1,291 to 1,300 of 1561

Thread: Jokes.




  1. #1291
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    You got the machine, you know the routine At the tone, you're
    on your own.


    Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.


    "Suicide Hotline...please hold."


    A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
    we're not here. So leave a message.


    Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll
    talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message
    and it'll give it to me when I return.

    Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the
    phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread,
    unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and
    number after the beep and he will return your call.


    I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that's a nice phone
    you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you
    have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy.
    Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some
    old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.


    (With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I
    can't hear you! What?
    Oh.. we're not home, leave a message."


    Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I
    should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.


    Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
    silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  2. #1292
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    World domination is everyone's dream. It's not a bad job really. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Villian I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, I follow these guidelines while conquering the world...

    1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.

    2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

    3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

    4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

    5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

    6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

    7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

    8. After I kidnap the hot girlfriend of the hero, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

    9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.

    10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

    11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

    12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

    13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

    14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

    15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

    16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

    17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

    18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

    19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

    20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

    21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi storm troopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

    22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

    23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

    24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

    25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

    26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed chamber.

    27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

    28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

    29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

    30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

    31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

    32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

    33. I will never employ the use of a major weapon that takes time to charge up before firing and utterly destroying the rebel base. Instead I will use weapons that can do the same thing with a single push of a button.

    34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

    35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

    36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

    37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

    38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

    39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

    40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

    41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

    42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

    43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the hot rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let him in on my plans.

    44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

    45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

    46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and shoot the advisor.

    47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

    48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

    49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

    50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

  3. #1293
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    continued


    51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the hot friend of the hero's cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

    52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

    53. If the hot friends of the hero that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

    54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

    55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

    56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

    57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

    58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

    59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

    60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

    61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

    62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

    63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

    64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

    65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

    66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

    67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

    68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

    69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

    70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

    71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

    72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super-weapon on them.

    73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

    74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

    75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

    76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

    77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

    78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

    79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

    80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

    81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

    82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

    83. If Iım eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

    84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

    85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

    86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

    87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

    88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

    89. After I captures the hero's super-weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

    90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

    91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

    92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

    93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

    94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

    95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cell-mate tells the guard itıs an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

    96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

    97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

    98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

    99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.



    100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

  4. #1294
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    "I'm going fishing."
    Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and
    stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

    "It's a guy thing."
    Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

    "Can I help with dinner?"
    Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"

    "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
    Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

    "It would take too long to explain."
    Really means..."I have no idea how it works.

    "We're going to be late."
    Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a
    maniac."

    "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
    Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is
    wearing a bra."

    "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
    Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

    "That's interesting, dear."
    Really means...."Are you still talking?"

    It's a really good movie."
    Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful
    women."

    "That's women's work."
    Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

    "You know how bad my memory is."
    Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address
    of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers
    of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

    "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
    Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real
    babe."

    "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
    Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to
    death before I admit I'm hurt."

    "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
    Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

    "I can't find it."
    Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm
    completely clueless."

    "What did I do this time?"
    Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"

    "I heard you."
    Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and
    am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't
    spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

    "You know I could never love anyone else."
    Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it
    could be worse."

    "You look terrific."
    Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm
    starving."

    "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
    Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."

    "We share the housework."
    Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  5. #1295
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    A man goes to Frederick's of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most
    sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an
    outfit.

    "This is $200," she says. "

    "I want one more sheer," says he.
    "This one is $350."

    "I want it even more sheer than that."

    "This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500.

    "He says "I'll take it"

    The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her and says "Go put this on
    and come down to model it for me."

    His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so
    see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not."

    So she comes down wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose. "So how do you
    like it?" she says.

    "Damn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the thing!"
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  6. #1296
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Posts
    38

    Default

    What do they call a drunken Irish woman?
    EILEEN.
    What do they call a drunken Japanese woman?
    IRENE.

    Two older men were talking about viagra when a younger man overhears the conversation and tells them, "I had an uncle who almost died from taking viagra!" One of the older men asks,"Really, what happened?" The young man replies, "Well the pills are rather large and he almost choked to death trying to swallow one." The older man replies," Is your uncle ok?" The young man replies, " Oh yes, he's fine...he's just got a bit of a stiff neck!"

  7. #1297
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    New England Highlands, Australia
    Posts
    21,907

    Default

    When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its
    intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach,
    California, would be robber James Elliot did
    something that can only inspire wonder:
    He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
    This time it worked.

    **********

    The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
    meat-cutting machine, and, after a little hopping around,
    submitted a claim to his insurance company.
    The company, suspecting negligence,
    sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
    He tried the machine out and lost a finger.
    The chef's claim was approved.

    **********

    A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear
    a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned
    with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
    Understandably, he shot her.

    **********

    After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar,
    a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20
    mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
    from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.
    Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
    the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
    offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
    He then delivered the passengers to the mental
    hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
    excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
    The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.


    Damn I like that one...

    **********
    An American teenager was in the hospital
    yesterday recovering from serious head
    wounds received from an oncoming train.
    When asked how he received the injuries,
    the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
    close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    **********
    A mother took her daughter to the doctor and
    asked him to give her daughter an examination
    to determine the cause of her swollen abdomen.
    It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say
    "Your daughter is pregnant."
    The mother turned red with fury and she argued
    with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl
    and would never compromise her reputation by
    having sex with a boy.
    The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
    The mother became enraged and screamed,
    "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
    "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am.
    It's just that the last time this happened,
    a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came.
    And I was hoping that they would show up again."


  8. #1298
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    New England Highlands, Australia
    Posts
    21,907

    Default

    A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been Kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"





    To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very Sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..."
    <center>:cheers:</center>

  9. #1299
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message
    to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she
    exclaimed: "I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a
    message to my mother".

    The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
    "Anything?" he asked.
    Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
    "Well then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards
    the next room.

    The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
    "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did.
    He then said "Now get on your knees."
    She did. "Now take down my zipper". She did.
    "Now go ahead ... take It out ...." he said. She reached in
    and grabbed It with both hands ... then paused. The man closed
    his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead".

    The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to It and while holding
    it close to her lips, tentatively said...........

    "Hello. Mom, can you hear me?".
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  10. #1300
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    A man went to church one day and afterward,
    he stopped to shake the priest's hand.

    MAN: "Father, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine
    sermon. Damned fine!"

    PRIEST: "Thank you sir, but I'd rather
    you didn't use that kind of language in the
    Lord's House."

    MAN: "I was so damned impressed
    with that sermon I put five thousand dollars
    in the offering plate!"

    PRIEST: "No ****!"
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •