Please report all spam threads, posts and suspicious members. We receive spam notifications and will take immediate action!
Page 135 of 157 FirstFirst ... 3585125133134135136137145 ... LastLast
Results 1,341 to 1,350 of 1561

Thread: Jokes.




  1. #1341
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Western face of Mt.St.Helens
    Posts
    3,060

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wiggo's-sister
    Old Indian chief
    Not knowing what this Sasquatch was, he asked the
    hunter to describe it.
    The word Sasquatch is original Yakima native american term
    for Bigfoot/Yeti which pre-dates the former but not the latter.
    See old indian cop-he-right...........lol.....:wave: HI WS & Kay

    And Kay, what happened to the Barbie-Que.........comes
    black & blistered w/wout BarBQ sauce/hot cross buns:?: : omg: :cheers:
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

  2. #1342
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    guess I forgot that one but the shrimp must not be Ken in that case :D

  3. #1343
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    993

    Default

    Thats _ucking Funny






    Quote Originally Posted by dryadsoul
    Okay this ones for you Wiggo,wannabeblonde thang...


    What do you get when you stand six Blondes on their Heads?





    Six toothless Brunettes with extremely bad breath!

  4. #1344
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    A true story.

    My Sister-in-law is the chief EMT in a small town in Southern
    Indiana. She was on duty one night when there came a call of
    a "domestic disturbance". The custom was that an ambulance was
    dispatched to accompany all of these calls received by the
    police. She arrived just behind the policeman. When they got out
    of their vehicles, a woman's voice could be heard screaming from
    inside the back of the house.

    The policeman broke open the front door, and the screaming
    intensified. As they ease their way through the house to the
    master bedroom the screaming kept getting louder and louder. When
    they opened the bedroom door, the first thing they saw as a naked
    woman, spread eagle on the bed and tied hand and foot to the four
    corners of the bed. The lady saw the policeman and my sister-in-
    law, and shut up, and then started babbling. At this point my
    sister-in-law was the first to see him.

    Laying at the foot of the bed, was a naked man, dressed only in a
    Batman cape and head piece. He was unconscious and bleeding from
    a wound above his left eye. When he was rolled over, he was
    recognized as the mayor, and the lady was not his wife. When it
    was sorted out, they were participating in some sex role playing.
    And, when the mayor got up on the end of the bed, he had been
    struck in the head by the ceiling fan, knock unconscious, the
    lady though he had been killed, and had started screaming because
    she did not want to lay there forever.

    The mayor begged, pleaded, and ordered that no one talk. But, a
    few days later when he stopped in to a local dinner for
    breakfast, the customers began humming the Batman theme.

  5. #1345
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Western face of Mt.St.Helens
    Posts
    3,060

    Default

    Smart man + smart woman = romance
    Smart man + dumb woman = affair
    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

    Shopping Math
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

    General Equations & Statistics
    A woman worries about the future untill she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future untill he gets a wife.
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    Happiness
    To be happy with a man,
    you must understand him a lot & love him a little.
    To be happy with a woman,
    you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

    Memory
    Any married man should forget his mistakes,
    there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

  6. #1346
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Western face of Mt.St.Helens
    Posts
    3,060

    Default

    The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
    The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him up at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
    The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake
    up Dear." Men just aren't equiped for this sort of contest.
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

  7. #1347
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    993

    Default

    What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
    Frosted flakes


    Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

    A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

  8. #1348
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    caves of bedrock
    Posts
    3,129

    Default

    <HTML>
    <CENTER>
    <FONT COLOR="BLUE">
    :bounce: 1000 Posts </FONT>:bounce: </CENTER><BR><BR>
    Dog Day Afternoon
    </HTML>
    A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."
    The guy says, "Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."

    The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"

    The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."

    The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?''

    The guy says, ''I said BAD DOG!''
    Latest Microsoft Security Updates.
    Last Updated:
    10th MARCH


    If you are a security freak: Use Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer (NT/2000/XP/2003)
    ======================
    icq : 203189004
    jabber : asklepios20@jabber.org
    =======================
    Linux user since: April 24, 2003 312478
    yabaa dabaa doo...
    Customized for 1024x768

  9. #1349
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    Congrats.....I hear-by present you with the gold medal for 1000 posts.....

    A couple gets married.

    Forty years later, they're in the same hotel room they spent their
    honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads
    her legs...Her husband looks at her and he begins to weep
    uncontrollably.

    She says, "What's the matter?"

    He says, "Forty years ago, I couldn't wait to eat it, and now, NOW..."

    "Now?" she asks.

    "Now, it looks like it can't wait to eat ME"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Romantic Winter Vacation
    ========================

    Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter
    vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood.
    When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"

    She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm
    them up."

    After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and
    says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!"

    She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them
    up." He does, and again that warms him up.

    After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them
    through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands
    are really, really freezing!"

    She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever
    get cold?"

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Things to Ponder
    ================

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
    these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
    crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there.... I'm gonna
    eat the next thing that comes outta it."

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?

    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut,
    why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why
    didn't he just buy dinner?

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

  10. #1350
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Western face of Mt.St.Helens
    Posts
    3,060

    Default

    Ditto on the congratualtions and Have ya gotten your dog a new chew toy yet Asklepios?

    The Anniversary Lay


    A couple coming up on thier 50th wedding anniversary decide to revisit the Iowa farm town in which they actually met.
    While drinking in the local pub, the husband ask if she rememered
    the first time they had sex behind farmer McKinsey's barn.
    To which she replies, "that was one of the best nights we ever spent together."
    So, the husband reponds with, "Well, I feel the same way, so how about a rematch?"
    "I thought youl'd never ask." Say's the wife.
    As they gather thier coats a young man, having overheard them,
    decides it would be fun to watch the older couple trying to relive
    thier sexual past, and follows them to the barn.
    Where the wife drops here panties and raises her skirt and right leg, as the husband drops his pants and steps into his wife's arms
    while grabing the fence.
    The older couple moan and groan and go at it for nearly an hour
    before they drop to the ground in exhaustion. Once the couple
    have recovered their clothing, the young man approaches the two
    saying, "Wow, that was some amazing sex for an old couple, how
    did you go for so long. I mean what is you secret?"
    To which the couple both replies, "Secret my ass, 50 years ago that fence wasn't electric!!"
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •