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Thread: Jokes.




  1. #1441
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by asklepios
    i know it does not go into jokes but i didn't understand where else to put it in. it is really freaky. do try it out
    That reminds me of this

    Take both arms, stick them out in the air in front of you and try spiinning each in opposite directions, its nearly impossible, They say only those with great hand/eye cordination can do it

  2. #1442

    Default

    Best Friends


    After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly she jerked away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs."

    On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were necking, he slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again she pulled away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."

    On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time Mary didn't get home until very late. That night she wrote, "Dear diary: There comes a time when even the best of friends must part."
    Intel Core 2 Duo E6850 CPU 2 x Kingston Hyper 2 GB Kit memory 1066MHz MSI P35 Platinum Combo Mobo Razer Barracuda AC-1 Digital Audio Card XFX PCIe 8800GTX xXx Video card Thermaltake 1000W Toughpower PSU Samsung 320GB IDE HD for OS WD 250GB SataII HD 2 x WD 500GB SATAII HD Compro T750 HDTV Dual Tuner PCI Card Thermaltake Bigwater 745 water cooling Samsung 226BW 22" monitor Samsung Syncmaster 913 19" monitor Silverstone , Thermaltake Armour+ Case

  3. #1443

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    Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving, But Aren't

    "Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

    "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."

    "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

    "Talk about a huge breast!"

    "It's Cool Whip time!"

    "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"

    "Are you ready for seconds yet?"

    "Are you going to come again next time?"

    "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

    "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"

    "Don't play with your meat."

    "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."

    "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

    "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

    "You still have a little bit on your chin."

    "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

    "How long will it take after you stick it in?"

    "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

    "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

    "How many are coming?"

    "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

    "Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."

    "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
    Intel Core 2 Duo E6850 CPU 2 x Kingston Hyper 2 GB Kit memory 1066MHz MSI P35 Platinum Combo Mobo Razer Barracuda AC-1 Digital Audio Card XFX PCIe 8800GTX xXx Video card Thermaltake 1000W Toughpower PSU Samsung 320GB IDE HD for OS WD 250GB SataII HD 2 x WD 500GB SATAII HD Compro T750 HDTV Dual Tuner PCI Card Thermaltake Bigwater 745 water cooling Samsung 226BW 22" monitor Samsung Syncmaster 913 19" monitor Silverstone , Thermaltake Armour+ Case

  4. #1444
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
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    caves of bedrock
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    FROM THE DESK OF
    Rapunzel


    Dear Prince:

    Use ladder tonight --
    you're splitting my ends.
    Latest Microsoft Security Updates.
    Last Updated:
    10th MARCH


    If you are a security freak: Use Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer (NT/2000/XP/2003)
    ======================
    icq : 203189004
    jabber : asklepios20@jabber.org
    =======================
    Linux user since: April 24, 2003 312478
    yabaa dabaa doo...
    Customized for 1024x768

  5. #1445

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    Eating Bananas


    Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.

    "Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked. "No", Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."

    "Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"

    "Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."

    "The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."

    "Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"

    "Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."
    Intel Core 2 Duo E6850 CPU 2 x Kingston Hyper 2 GB Kit memory 1066MHz MSI P35 Platinum Combo Mobo Razer Barracuda AC-1 Digital Audio Card XFX PCIe 8800GTX xXx Video card Thermaltake 1000W Toughpower PSU Samsung 320GB IDE HD for OS WD 250GB SataII HD 2 x WD 500GB SATAII HD Compro T750 HDTV Dual Tuner PCI Card Thermaltake Bigwater 745 water cooling Samsung 226BW 22" monitor Samsung Syncmaster 913 19" monitor Silverstone , Thermaltake Armour+ Case

  6. #1446

    Default

    This is very serious, so read it carefully. Several new viruses have been
    discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system. Beware
    of...
    1. THE ALGORE Virus....(Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting)
    2. THE CLINTON Virus....(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
    3. THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
    4. THE LEWINSKY Virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails
    everyone about what it did)
    5. THE RONALD REAGAN Virus....(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
    6. THE MIKE TYSON Virus....(Quits after two bytes)
    7. THE OPRAH WINFREY Virus....(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly
    expands to restabilize around 200mb)
    8. THE JACK KEVORKIAN Virus...(Deletes all old files)
    9. THE ELLEN DEGENERES Virus...(Disks can no longer be inserted)
    10. THE PROZAC Virus...(Totally screws up your RAM, but your Processor doesn't care)
    11. THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO Virus...(Only attacks minor files)
    12. THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER Virus...(Terminates some files, leaves, but it will
    be back)
    13. THE LORENA BOBBITT Virus...(Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy,
    then discards it through Windows)
    Intel Core 2 Duo E6850 CPU 2 x Kingston Hyper 2 GB Kit memory 1066MHz MSI P35 Platinum Combo Mobo Razer Barracuda AC-1 Digital Audio Card XFX PCIe 8800GTX xXx Video card Thermaltake 1000W Toughpower PSU Samsung 320GB IDE HD for OS WD 250GB SataII HD 2 x WD 500GB SATAII HD Compro T750 HDTV Dual Tuner PCI Card Thermaltake Bigwater 745 water cooling Samsung 226BW 22" monitor Samsung Syncmaster 913 19" monitor Silverstone , Thermaltake Armour+ Case

  7. #1447
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
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    caves of bedrock
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    3,129

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    Quote Originally Posted by belveder
    3. THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
    i wdn't mind having one of those.
    searches for all those crap floppy disks :rofl:
    Latest Microsoft Security Updates.
    Last Updated:
    10th MARCH


    If you are a security freak: Use Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer (NT/2000/XP/2003)
    ======================
    icq : 203189004
    jabber : asklepios20@jabber.org
    =======================
    Linux user since: April 24, 2003 312478
    yabaa dabaa doo...
    Customized for 1024x768

  8. #1448

    Default

    Blackboard

    One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone
    handwritten the word '*****' in tiny small letters. She turned around,
    scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly
    erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and
    she saw, in larger letters, the word '*****' again on the black board.

    Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she
    proceeded with the day's lesson.

    Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found
    the same word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the
    previous day's word.

    Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same
    word on the board, but instead, found the words,

    'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!'
    Intel Core 2 Duo E6850 CPU 2 x Kingston Hyper 2 GB Kit memory 1066MHz MSI P35 Platinum Combo Mobo Razer Barracuda AC-1 Digital Audio Card XFX PCIe 8800GTX xXx Video card Thermaltake 1000W Toughpower PSU Samsung 320GB IDE HD for OS WD 250GB SataII HD 2 x WD 500GB SATAII HD Compro T750 HDTV Dual Tuner PCI Card Thermaltake Bigwater 745 water cooling Samsung 226BW 22" monitor Samsung Syncmaster 913 19" monitor Silverstone , Thermaltake Armour+ Case

  9. #1449
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    322

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    Heheheh that's a good one :laugh:
    Box:
    [Mobo] Asus A7N8X w/ Modified 1003 Uber BIOS w/ Custom Boot logo
    [CPU] Athlon XP 2200+ Thoroughbred
    [Memory] 512 Samsung PC3200 DDR400 w/ Copper Heatsink(s)
    [Video Card] Geforce 3 ti200 128 DDR Special Gold Edition

    Cooling
    [Case] All aluminum Skyhawk case w/ custom cut blowhole
    [HSF] Volcano 11 Xaser Edition
    [Northbridge] ThermalTake Crystal Orb
    [Southbridge] Aluminum Northbridge heatsink attatched

    Operating System:
    [OS] Windows XP Pro w/ SP1

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  10. #1450
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Posts
    3,141

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    :laugh:

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