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Thread: Jokes.




  1. #1461
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    The Seven Dwarves Meet the Pope
    ===============================

    The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "the seven
    dwarfs," they get ushered in to see the Pope.

    Dopey leads the pack.

    "Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"

    Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in
    Rome?"

    The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and
    answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

    In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling. Dopey turns around
    and gives them a glare, silencing them.

    Dopey turns back to face the Pope. "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns
    in all of Europe?"

    The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, "No
    Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."

    This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey
    turns around and silences them all with an angry glare.

    Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns
    in the whole world?"

    The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in
    the world."

    The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on
    the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks

    as they begin chanting:

    "Dopey screwed a penguin!"

    "Dopey screwed a penguin!"

  2. #1462
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    Chewing Gum

    An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants,
    bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him. He ignores the froggy who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
    Frenchy: "You American folk eat the whole bread?"
    Yank: "Of course."
    Frenchy: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In france. we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect for recycling into croissants & sell them to the States";while smirking like an idiot.
    As the Yank eats in silence.
    The Froggy persists: "Do you eat jam on the bread?"
    Yank replies: "Of course."
    Frenchy: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling) "We don't. In France we eat only the fresh fruit for berakfast, then we
    turn all peels, seeds, or pits to recyle as jam that we sell in the States."
    The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"
    Frenchman: "Why, but, of course we do", he says with pompous sneer.
    Yank: "And what do you do with the used condoms afterwards?"
    Froggy: "But, of course, we throw them away!"
    Yank: "We don't. In the States, we put them in a Bio-Hazard container for rendering and then recycle them into Chewing gum,
    Which ship to our retail distribution centers throughout France."
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

  3. #1463
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    Okay,this an actual newspaper clipping, but, it's to funny too not be in here.......................
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

  4. #1464

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    The Wife's Cat

    A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one
    day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

    As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

    The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the
    same thing.

    As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept
    taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always
    beat him home.

    At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left,
    past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he
    reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left
    the cat there.

    Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
    "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"

    Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost
    and I need directions!"




    OOOOPPS sorry, I posted this in the wrong area, please accept my humble apologies, could someone please move this? Thanks
    Intel Core 2 Duo E6850 CPU 2 x Kingston Hyper 2 GB Kit memory 1066MHz MSI P35 Platinum Combo Mobo Razer Barracuda AC-1 Digital Audio Card XFX PCIe 8800GTX xXx Video card Thermaltake 1000W Toughpower PSU Samsung 320GB IDE HD for OS WD 250GB SataII HD 2 x WD 500GB SATAII HD Compro T750 HDTV Dual Tuner PCI Card Thermaltake Bigwater 745 water cooling Samsung 226BW 22" monitor Samsung Syncmaster 913 19" monitor Silverstone , Thermaltake Armour+ Case

  5. #1465
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    :rofl:

  6. #1466
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    State license plates we'd like to see:

    NEVADA
    LVME 10DR
    LAND OF 10,00 ELVIS IMPERSONATORS

    MASSACHUSETTS
    OW-A CAH
    THE GOOFY ACCENT STATE

    HAWAII
    L-O HA
    FRUITY UMBRELLA ****TAIL WONDERLAND

    WISCONSIN
    CHEDDAR
    EAT CHEESE OR DIE
    Latest Microsoft Security Updates.
    Last Updated:
    10th MARCH


    If you are a security freak: Use Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer (NT/2000/XP/2003)
    ======================
    icq : 203189004
    jabber : asklepios20@jabber.org
    =======================
    Linux user since: April 24, 2003 312478
    yabaa dabaa doo...
    Customized for 1024x768

  7. #1467
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    Amen, Asklepios, that's some right funny shyte.....but, ya seem
    to have left out:

    California

    ILBBACK

    THE E-TICKET RIDE ANYONE CAN BE GOVERNOR STATE
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

  8. #1468
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    A woman gave birth to six babies. On seeing this she
    got out of her hospital bed, slapped her husband and
    shouted, "I told you not to go doggy style"

  9. #1469
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    Speaking of doggies:

    The only difference between a Mexican Hairless
    or a Pit Bull humping your leg, is that the Pit Bull
    gets to finnish.
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

  10. #1470
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    Dual Exhaust
    ============

    A little boy and a little girl, both about six, are playing
    in the sandbox. Unexpectedly, the little boy farted, causing
    a little sand between his legs to shift.

    She notices, and squeals with laughter, "How'd you do that,"
    she asks.

    "Easy," he exclaimed, "I just farted."

    "Can I try it," she asks?

    "Sure," he says, "anybody can do it."

    So she strains, and concentrates, and grunts.

    Suddenly, there's a terrible explosion, the sides of the sandbox
    fly off, all the sand flies out.

    The little boy rolls up the hill, he finds himself upside down
    against a tree.

    He groggily gets to his feet, runs over to where the little girl
    is out cold, flat on her back, spread eagle.

    He lifts up her dress, peeks underneath, and loudly exclaims, "Just
    what I thought, dual exhaust.

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