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Thread: Jokes.




  1. #321
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiggo's-sister
    LOL!!! that last one is the best one I've read for awhile
    Thanx. :D
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  2. #322
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    good joke dirtydog

  3. #323
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    sounds like someone is going to www.jokes.com

  4. #324
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    <center>A Valentines Question.</center>

    Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

    David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

    "Osama Bin Laden," David says.

    "Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

    "Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

    His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.

    "David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

    "I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the **** out of him."

    <center>:cheers:</center>

  5. #325
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    How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
    ================================================== ======

    Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

    Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to
    pray against the spirit of darkness.

    Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at
    predestined times.

    Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

    Baptists: At least 15, one to change the light bulb,
    and three committees to approve the change and decide
    who brings the potato salad.

    Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician,
    one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much
    better the old one was.

    Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace bulb while five
    men review church lighting policy.

    Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four
    wives to tell him how to do it.

    Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either
    in favor of or against the need for a light bulb.
    However, if in your own journey you have found that
    light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are
    invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance
    about your light bulb for the next Sunday service.

    Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is
    bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved.
    Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday.

    Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

    Amish: What's a light bulb?
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  6. #326
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    You've Been Out Drinking Again
    ==============================

    An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
    The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So
    the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his
    face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He
    figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
    and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he
    stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to
    crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the
    door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He crawled
    through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached
    his bed he tried one more time to stand up.

    This time he managed to pull himself upright, but
    he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep
    as soon as his head hit the pillow.

    He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing
    over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

    Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it
    out he said, "What makes you say that?"

    "The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there
    again."
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  7. #327
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    Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four
    wives to tell him how to do it.


    My favorite ! :devil win :flames: :devil:
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  8. #328
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    Top 10 reasons computers must be male:


    10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
    9. A better model is always just around the corner.
    8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
    7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
    6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
    5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
    4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
    3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
    2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

    and the top answer........1.Size does matter

  9. #329
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    Top 5 that computers must be female:

    1. No one but God understands their internal logic.

    2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

    3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

    4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

    5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

  10. #330
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    must be male then, or couldn't you find 5 extra comparisons

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