Please report all spam threads, posts and suspicious members. We receive spam notifications and will take immediate action!
Page 34 of 157 FirstFirst ... 2432333435364484134 ... LastLast
Results 331 to 340 of 1561

Thread: Jokes.




  1. #331
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    A woman goes to the butcher shop to buy a chicken for the
    Sunday meal. The butcher has only one scrawny chicken left.
    He puts it on the scale. "Three pounds," he says.

    "That's too scrawny; don't you have something bigger?", she
    asks.

    He pretends to rummage around, and then puts the same chicken
    back on the scale, while pressing with his thumb. "Three and
    a half pounds," he says.

    "That looks better, I'll take them both."
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  2. #332
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    There were three women that were training to be nuns. They had been
    training for four years now.

    "Well done!", said their teacher one day "You have gone
    for four years without sinning. So before you become nuns we're going to
    be a little generous and let you sin once for today. Then you can come
    back, confess it to The Lord and you will become a nun!" So all three
    of them set off. 10 minutes later the first nun came back and said:

    "God forgive me for stealing money from the offering!".

    The Teacher told her to drink some holy water and her sin will be forgiven.
    Next the second nun returned and yelled "Lord forgive me for tagging on
    the church!". She was told to drink the holy water too. Then her sin was
    forgiven. Next the thrd nun comes back and shouts "Father, Forgive me for
    throwing an old lady in the mud and laughing at her." the teacher told
    her to drink the holy water as well, but she fell to her knees and yelled

    "Forgive me! I peed in the Holy Water!"
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  3. #333
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    1,603

    Default

    Something new. Yellow holy water ! Yuck ! :fish:
    <!-- Begin Code Amber Ticker code. -->
    <P ALIGN=CENTER>
    <SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript1.2" src="http://www.codeamber.org/js/codea.js">
    </script>
    </P>
    <!-- end of Code Amber Ticker code (c)Copyright codeamber.org 2002, 2003-->

  4. #334
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    1,603

    Default



    Interested ? I don't know my ***** might glow in the dark !

    :sun: :sun: :sun: :sun: :sun: :sun: :sun:
    <!-- Begin Code Amber Ticker code. -->
    <P ALIGN=CENTER>
    <SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript1.2" src="http://www.codeamber.org/js/codea.js">
    </script>
    </P>
    <!-- end of Code Amber Ticker code (c)Copyright codeamber.org 2002, 2003-->

  5. #335
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    1,603

    Default

    The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the
    recently married couple's house.
    She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house.

    She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
    "What are you doing?" she asked.
    "I'm waiting for my husband to come home
    from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
    "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

    "This is my love dress" the daughter-in-law explained.
    "Love dress? But you're naked!"

    "My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him
    happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you
    would leave because he will be home from work any minute."

    The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and
    left. On the way home she thought about the love dress.
    When she got home she got undressed, showered,
    put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.

    Finally her husband came home.
    He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.
    "What are you doing?" he asked.

    "This is my love dress" she replied.
    "Needs ironing." he said.
    <!-- Begin Code Amber Ticker code. -->
    <P ALIGN=CENTER>
    <SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript1.2" src="http://www.codeamber.org/js/codea.js">
    </script>
    </P>
    <!-- end of Code Amber Ticker code (c)Copyright codeamber.org 2002, 2003-->

  6. #336
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    1,603

    Default

    First, God made man in the Garden of Eden. Then he said to himself,
    "There's something he's needing" After casting about for a suitable pearl, He kept messing around and created a girl. Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender, Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender. Two lovely hips to increase his desire, And rounded and firm to bring out the fire. Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud, Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
    Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you, And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you. Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder, And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder. She was made for a man, just to make his heart sing.Then God added a mouth, and ruined the whole damn thing.


    :D ;) :thumb:
    <!-- Begin Code Amber Ticker code. -->
    <P ALIGN=CENTER>
    <SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript1.2" src="http://www.codeamber.org/js/codea.js">
    </script>
    </P>
    <!-- end of Code Amber Ticker code (c)Copyright codeamber.org 2002, 2003-->

  7. #337
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    New England Highlands, Australia
    Posts
    21,907

    Default

    Pfizer Corp. (NYSE: PFE) is making the announcement
    today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid
    form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola (Pepsi
    Bottling Group NYSE: PBG) as a power beverage suitable
    for use as-is, or as a mixer, under the name "Mount
    And Do". Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests, "It
    will now be possible for a man to literally pour
    himself a stiff one."


  8. #338
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    If you want a gift that keeps on giving, try a pair of rabbits.

    Though the rabbit has an innocent face, Its family planning is a disgrace:
    In public it is always chewing, In private something else it's doing.

    Two little rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves "They're gaining on
    us," cried the female rabbit petrified. "What shall we do?"

    "Let's you and me stop a moment," advised the male rabbit, "and out number them."
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  9. #339
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    The older priest, speaking to the younger priest said,
    "I know you were reaching out to the young people when
    you had bucket seats put in to replace the first four
    rows of pews. It worked. We got the front of the
    church filled first."

    The young priest nodded and the old priest continued,
    "And, you told me a little more beat to the music
    would bring young people back to church, so I
    supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll
    gospel choir, that packed us to the balcony."

    "So," asked the young priest, "what's the problem?"

    "Well," said the elder priest, "I'm afraid you've gone
    too far with the drive-thru confessional."

    "But Father," protests the young priest. "My
    confessions have nearly doubled since I started that!"


    "I know, my son, but that flashing "TOOT 'n TELL or GO
    TO HELL" neon sign really has to go.
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  10. #340
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

    Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided
    to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his ***** into the
    equipment, turned the switch on and ...everything else was
    automatic!

    Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much
    pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly
    realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his *****.

    He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried
    every button on the instrument, but still without success.

    Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service
    Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.
    It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"

    "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "the machine was
    programmed to release automatically once it's collected two gallons of
    milk."
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •