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Thread: Jokes.




  1. #361
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    Thanks... I do enjoy a good laugh every now and again :laugh:
    What came first - Insanity or Society?

  2. #362
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    WASHINGTON (JAD)
    The FBI has asked police and the public to be on the lookout for specially marked prescription bottles of Viagra. The agency has received credible evidence the bottles have been laced with nitro-glycerin.

    The FBI's field office in Alexandria, Virginia, has been investigating some explosive deaths which occured on Valentine's Day evening. "We're not saying who exactly is responsible," an anonymous source said, "but we can't rule out Al Queda terrorists. If there's anything Americans do better than fight wars or make money, it's have sex. It'll truly be a terror if they're striking at our very genitalia."

    Couples using Viagra are cautioned to go slow and be careful. "You don't want to go off half-****ed," a Viagra specialist warned.

    Experts say death by Viagra isn't uncommon, even without the explosive element added to it. Clay Bough, a pharmacist said, "There's lots of folks coming and going all at the same time."
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  3. #363
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    Me like!!! Keep them coming!!!
    What came first - Insanity or Society?

  4. #364
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    <center>OVERWEIGHT BLONDE</center>

    A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks.
    The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
    When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
    "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
    The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
    "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
    "No, from all that skipping."

    <center>:cheers:</center>

  5. #365
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    One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd
    toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of
    catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer
    her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but
    succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for
    assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided
    to go to hospital.

    As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with
    her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date
    said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit
    down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to
    blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and
    daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was
    nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for
    something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.
    The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think
    he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "According
    to the smell of his fingers,... our son in-law!"
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  6. #366
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    A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her
    6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so
    she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly
    there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
    She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
    "I just saw one of your garters!"

    "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to
    see you for three days!"

    The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she
    had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to
    the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an
    even louder giggle from another male student. She
    quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

    "I just saw both of your garters!"

    Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time
    the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you
    for three weeks!"

    Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she
    turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This
    time there is an burst of laughter from another male
    student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving
    the classroom.

    "Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

    "From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
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  7. #367
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    An old man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning
    eighty tomorrow. I've hired a hooker for the night, and I'd love
    to do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me
    something that'll get me up?"

    The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I
    think in your case I can make an exception for one night."

    Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly
    man and asked, "How's it going?"

    "Fabulous," the old man said. "I've come three times already."

    "That's great," the doctor said. "the hooker must be astounded."

    "Not exactly," the old man said. "She's not here yet!"

  8. #368
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    BLONDE ON THE SUN

    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
    The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
    The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
    The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun"

    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
    "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

    To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!

    <center>:cheers:</center>

  9. #369
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    Momma Vs Bowling Ball

    Yo mamma's like a bowling ball bud she gets picked up, fingered and thrown back into the gutter.
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  10. #370
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    You

    An elderly couple is sharing an intimate dinner in honor of their 75th wedding anniversary. The man says softly, "Dear, there is something I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our sixth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now, let me assure you these 75 years have been the most wonderful I could have hoped for, and your answer will not take all that away. But, please tell me: did he have a different father?"
    His wife lowers her eyes, pauses for a moment, and then confesses, "Yes. Yes, he did."

    The old man tightens, very shaken, the reality hitting him hard. "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"

    Again, the woman lowers her head, trying to muster the courage to finally tell her husband the truth. She says, "You."
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