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Thread: Jokes.




  1. #371
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    Feel Like a Women

    As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

    She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

    A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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  2. #372
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    Anything for a Good Score

    A man and a woman are out playing golf. On one particular hole, the man's ball lands in a terrible position, with a small barn between him and the green. Just as he was about to hit around the barn, the Groundskeeper comes up and offers to open up the two sets of double doors of the barn to let the man hit through the barn. The man agrees. He sets up his shot, swings, and the ball goes into the barn, hits a beam, bounces back, striking his wife a fatal blow to the head. A year goes by, and, now a widower, the man again finds himself on the same hole, with the same problem, stuck behind the barn. The Groundskeeper again appears, and offers to open the barn up again. The man declines, saying: "Hell no! The last time I tried that, I triple bogied that hole!"
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  3. #373
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    <center>SPEEDING TICKET</center>

    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
    She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

    <center>:cheers:</center>

  4. #374
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    OMG!!! typical blonde :rolleyes:
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  5. #375
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    <center>THE VACUUM</center>

    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
    It was her turn.
    She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
    Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
    She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

    <center>:cheers:</center>

  6. #376
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    Chuck had seen it coming for a time now, and Laura finally decided
    to break up with him.
    "I'm sorry Chuck, but you just don't have a good sense of humor,"
    Laura said one day, "You're dry, boring and you never seem to say
    anything funny."

    Chuck who didn't feel she was correct in the least, simply smiled
    and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, Laura. I'm sure you'll make
    some guy very happy some day," she smiled and blushed a little,
    "then, he'll zip up his pants, leave $20 on the dresser, and forget
    to close the door on his way out."
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  7. #377
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    You are so poor . . .
    When you were kicking a can, your friend came by and asked what you
    were doing. You said you were moving!

    - - -

    A woman who is tired of having a guy hit on her says, "Look ... I'm
    sorry, but I'm just not your type. I'm not inflatable"

    - - -

    Whats dumb? Instructions on toilet paper.
    Whats dumber than that? reading them.
    Whats even dumber? Reading them and learning something.

    Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you've
    been doing wrong.

    - - -

    Q. What do you call two Irish Queers?
    A. Michael "Fits" Patrick and Patrick "Fits" Michael.

    - - -

    "Your proctologist called . They just found your head!"

    - - -

    A man and a woman are in a supermarket. They are standing in front
    of the water aisle.
    The man wonders aloud, "Who would buy all this expensive Evian water
    anyway?"

    The woman says, "Evian... It's naive spelled backwards."
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  8. #378
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    <center>FINAL EXAM</center>

    The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions.
    She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails.
    Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
    During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
    The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
    "I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."

    <center>:cheers:</center>

  9. #379
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    A blonde is speaking to his psychiatrist.

    Blonde, "I'm on the road a lot, and my
    clients are complaining that they can
    never reach me."

    Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a phone in
    your car?"

    Blonde, "That was a little too expensive,
    so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox
    in my car."

    Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?"

    Blonde, "Actually, I haven't gotten any
    letters yet."

    Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?"

    Blonde, "I figured it's because when I'm
    driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

  10. #380
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    A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blond are sitting in a doctors office, talking about what sex of child they are going to have. the Brunette says "I am going to have a boy because I was on top when having sex." The Redhead replied "I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom while having sex." Then the Blond says hesterically " Oh my God, I am going to have puppies."

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