Please report all spam threads, posts and suspicious members. We receive spam notifications and will take immediate action!
Page 39 of 157 FirstFirst ... 2937383940414989139 ... LastLast
Results 381 to 390 of 1561

Thread: Jokes.




  1. #381
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    Once there was a blonde who got DARNED sick and tired of those jokes mocking blondes for a low I.Q.

    She therefore resolved to prove that blonds could be as smart as anyone else. She spent several weeks studiously peering at a map...

    The next time some one attempted to tell a Blonde Joke, she riposted "Well, I'm a blonde and I'm NOT stupid! I'll have you know I've memorized the Capitals of every state in the union!"

    "So what's the capital of Vermont?" inquired a sceptic.

    The blonde giggled: "That's easy! 'V' ........"

  2. #382
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    A blonde woman is driving along a country road, out in rolling hills of the Midwest, when she sees some movement off in the distance. As she gets closer, she realizes that it is another blonde woman in a rowboat in the middle of a field rowing the boat like crazy.

    She stops her car at the side of the road and gets out. She yells out to the blonde in the rowboat, "What the &$%# are you doing?" The blonde in the boat, obviously flustered, yells back, "I have got to hurry up and get home in time for dinner or I will be in real trouble!"

    The blonde at the side of the road is aggravated. "I can't believe this! You are out in the middle of a field in a row boat! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name!

    In fact, if I could swim, I would swim out there and kick your butt!"

  3. #383
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works. -I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'me.... could I see your drivers license...?"
    "...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. "It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a
    few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.
    "Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back;
    "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes...." replied the officer
    "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher "Uh... yes" replied the cop.
    "Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and
    drop your pants..."
    "WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop. "Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs.....
    "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer......"

  4. #384
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just

    have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe."
    The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have
    any money.... and I *must* get a message to her, it's urgent!...
    I'll do anything to get a message to her."
    The clerk replies "Anything?" "Yes.... ANYTHING!" replies the
    blonde.
    He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her
    to kneel in front of him. "Unzip me..."
    She does. "Take it out..... go ahead." She does this as well.
    She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well...
    go ahead.. do it.."
    She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?.... Mom?"

  5. #385
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    New England Highlands, Australia
    Posts
    21,907

    Default

    <center>THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!</center>

    There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
    She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note.
    "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde"
    She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
    The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
    Inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"

    <center>:cheers:</center>

  6. #386
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    One day little Johnny went to his father and asked him if he could buy him a $200.00 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? We can't afford it, wait until Christmas."

    Christmas came around and Johnny asked his dad again. His father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high. Sorry, we can't afford it. Ask me again some other time."

    Well, about 2 days later, Johnny was walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father said, "Why are you leaving?" Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too." "DAMN me if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  7. #387
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    Angela falls into a deep state of depression after losing her husband of three years. So her brother introduces her to a young man named James and convinces the two to go out. They hit it off, and after a week of dating, they decide to take a weekend vacation together. The first night, they check into a hotel and get ready for bed. Angela strips down to a pair of black mesh panties, and James gets totally buck naked.

    "What's with the panties?" he asks.

    " You may suck on my tities," she says, "but the rest belongs to my late husband until I'm done mourning."

    So James plays with Angies **** until they both fall asleep. The next night it's the same scenario--Angela in black mesh panties and James completely buck naked. This time, however, James has an erection, and he's wearing a black condom.

    "What's that?" asks Angela. Says James,"I'm going to offer my condolences."
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  8. #388
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    Windows 2000 Error Messages

    1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
    2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
    3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
    4. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
    5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
    6. Close your eyes and press escape three times.
    7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
    8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
    9. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
    10. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
    11. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."
    12. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
    13. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
    14. CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
    15. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
    16. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
    17. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
    18. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
    19. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
    20. User Error: Replace user.
    21. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
    22. Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...
    23. If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?
    24. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  9. #389
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    New England Highlands, Australia
    Posts
    21,907

    Default

    NOT BLONDE, but . . . When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
    To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.
    The Russians used a pencil.

    <center>:cheers:</center>

  10. #390
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    New England Highlands, Australia
    Posts
    21,907

    Default

    A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

    There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

    The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."

    Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.

    The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."

    The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?"

    The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look, "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
    <center>:cheers:</center>

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •