Please report all spam threads, posts and suspicious members. We receive spam notifications and will take immediate action!
Page 45 of 157 FirstFirst ... 3543444546475595145 ... LastLast
Results 441 to 450 of 1561

Thread: Jokes.




  1. #441
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    A guy found himself unable to satisfy his wife.

    He tried hundreds of methods but just wasn't able to do the job.
    He finally went to his best friend and asked for advice. His
    friend told him not to worry because he knew a method that was a
    100% successful. He says, "Hire a big strong black man to stands
    near your bed and waving a huge towel over both of you while you
    are having sex. This way your wife will be stimulated and have an
    orgasm."

    The guy hired the strong man, but all efforts were in vain.

    He went back to his friend and told him what happened. So his
    friend suggested that they switch places. "Why don't you wave the
    towel while the strong man does the job in bed," says the friend.

    He agreed and said that he would do anything to satisfy his wife.
    He hires the same guy again and this time they trade positions.
    Naturally, the woman has a divine orgasm.

    The husband leans over to the black guy and says, "You see!!
    That's how you wave the towel!"



    Blonde maybe

    :?:

  2. #442
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    To My Dear Wife,

    During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed often.

    The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times
    It is too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 times
    Too tired from shopping all day. . . . . . . . . . 49 times
    It is too early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 times
    It is too hot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
    Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
    The neighbors will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . .3 times
    Headache. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 itmes
    Sunburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 times
    Your Mother will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 times
    Not in the mood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 times
    You will wake the baby. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . 17 times
    Watching the late show. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 6 times
    New Hairdo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 times
    Too sore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 times
    Wrong time of month. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
    Have to get up early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 times
    Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 2 times you just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 2 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.

  3. #443
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    To My Dear Husband,

    I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you did not get it more often than you did.

    Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat. . . . . . 15 times
    Did not come home at all. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
    Did not come. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 times
    Came too soon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 times
    Went soft before you got it in. . . . . . . . . . . .33 times
    Toes cramped. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 times
    Working too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 times
    Have to get up early to play golf. . . . . . . . . . 29 times
    Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls. . . 2 times
    Caught Herman in your zipper. . . . . . . . . . . . .4 times
    Caught a cold and your nose kept running. . . . . . .3 times
    Burned your tongue on hot coffee. . . . . . . . . . .3 times
    You had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . . . . 2 times
    Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book. . . . .16 times
    Watching football on TV. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 times
    Hemorrhoids flared up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 times
    Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you were f**king the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling. The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe!!

  4. #444
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    The Stork
    =========

    A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his
    parents, "How was I born?"

    "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the
    stork brought you to us."

    "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get
    born?" he asked.

    "Oh, the stork brought us too."

    "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.

    "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the
    parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy
    Boy recliner.

    Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the
    teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:

    "This report has been very difficult to write due to the
    fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my
    family for three generations."
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  5. #445
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    Loopholes
    =========

    A criminal lawyer, Robinson was notorious for finding the little
    loopholes that won him acquittals even in the most difficult
    circumstances. So it was he that Milliken hired when he was
    accused of grand theft auto. And it was Milliken who walked out
    of the courtroom a free man, after a lengthy trial and some
    brilliant footwork on Robinson's part.

    The very next day Milliken appeared in the chambers of the judge
    who had presided over his trial and demanded a warrant for
    Robinson's arrest.

    "Why on Earth do you want him arrested?" asked the judge. "He
    got you off, didn't he?"

    "Yeah," conceded Milliken, "but when I didn't have enough money
    to pay his fee, the son-of-a-***** drove off in that car I
    stole!"
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  6. #446
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    New England Highlands, Australia
    Posts
    21,907

    Default

    A Job Interview

    A young blonde polish woman walks in for a job interview, but the fellow
    doing the interviews tells her he doesn't have time today. He says, "Since
    this is an inconvience for you, I'll ask you to come back in 3 days for
    another interview, and in the meantime I will tell you what I am going to
    ask you so you can have good answers."
    The man tells her, "The three questions I will ask are: How many days of
    the week begin with the letter "T"? Secondly, how many seconds are there in
    a year? And lastly how many "D's "are there in RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED
    REINDEER?" After telling her this, the man wanted to know if there were
    any questions. The woman replied "No."

    3 days later the woman returns and is ready for her interview, which goes
    like this:
    Man: "How many days of the week begin with the letter "T"?"
    Woman "Two."
    Man: "Good, what are they?"
    Woman "Today and Tomorrow."
    Man: "Good answer, not quite what quite what I had in mind, but O.K."

    Man " How many seconds in a year?"
    Woman " Twelve."
    Man: "How did you come up with this answer?"
    Woman "Simple, Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, Mar 2nd..........."

    Man: " Alright how many "D's" are there in RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER?"
    Woman "2365"
    Man: "How did you ever arrive at that figure?"
    Woman "Simple (starts humming dee dee dee to the tune"
    :cheers:

  7. #447
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Bendigo Australia
    Posts
    1,788

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wiggo's-sister
    Moustache
    =========

    An Eskimo has his snowmobile breakdown while riding
    past a small town in Alaska. He takes it to the repair
    shop and is told to come back in about an hour.

    When he come back, the mechanic say "It looks like
    you have blown a seal"

    The Eskimo says "No, that's just a little frost on my
    moustache."
    why did the walrus go the bearing shop


    for a tight seal

  8. #448
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Bendigo Australia
    Posts
    1,788

    Default

    what do u call a lesbian hippo




    lickalotpuss

  9. #449
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Bendigo Australia
    Posts
    1,788

    Default

    what do u call 100 armed lesbians


    militia ethridge

  10. #450
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kheldar
    what do u call a lesbian hippo




    lickalotpuss

    roflmao, I like that one
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 4 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 4 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •