Please report all spam threads, posts and suspicious members. We receive spam notifications and will take immediate action!
Page 46 of 157 FirstFirst ... 3644454647485696146 ... LastLast
Results 451 to 460 of 1561

Thread: Jokes.




  1. #451
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    7

    Default

    Whats black and sits in the corner?

    A baby with it's finger in the power socket.

  2. #452
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    7

    Default

    How do you stop a baby spinning on a clothes lineat 300 miles an hour?

    with a cricket bat

  3. #453
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    7

    Default

    Whats better than a baby in a bucket?

    the same baby in two buckets

  4. #454
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    2,910

    Default

    Sayings that should be on Buttons
    1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
    2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
    3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
    4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
    5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
    6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
    7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
    8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
    9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
    10. You! Off my planet!
    11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
    12. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
    13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
    14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
    15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
    16. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
    17. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
    18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
    19. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
    20. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
    21. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
    22. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
    23. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
    24. Adults are just kids who owe money.
    25. You say I'm a ***** like it's a bad thing.
    26. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
    27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
    28. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
    29. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
    30. You look like ****. Is that the style now?
    31. Earth is full. Go home.
    32. Is it time for your medication or mine?
    33. Does this condom make me look fat?
    34. I plead contemporary insanity.
    35. And which dwarf are you?
    36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
    37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
    38. Meandering to a different drummer.
    39. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
    40. I majored in liberal arts. So, will that be for here or to go?

  5. #455
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Bendigo Australia
    Posts
    1,788

    Default

    that one above is mine - I changed my profile and it changed all my cookies

    btw the cat one is for u albinus

  6. #456
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    There was this little 9 year old blind kid, and one
    day he said to his mom, "Mom, All I've ever wanted
    was to see."

    His mom said, "Well son it's your lucky day, today
    is the last day of March, and if you pray your hardest,
    your prayers will be answered."

    So the little boy goes to bed 2 hours early and starts
    praying himself to sleep. He wakes up half way through
    the night and realises that the night isn't over, so he
    prays another hour before he falls asleep again.

    He finally wakes up the next morning and yells, "Mom,
    Mom, get in here fast!"

    His mom comes running in and says, "What is it son?"

    The boy says, "Mom I did just what you said I prayed
    and prayed harder than anyone else ever has, but I woke
    up this morning and I'm still blind!"

    And his mom says....... "I know, - April Fools!!"
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  7. #457
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he
    wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But
    we don't know anything about each other." He said,
    "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we
    go along." So she consented, and they were married,
    and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

    So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he
    got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter
    board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this
    followed by a three rotations in jackknife
    position, where he straightened out and cut the water
    like a knife.

    After a few more demonstrations, he came back and
    laid down on the towel. She said,"That was incredible!"

    He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion.
    You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves
    as we went along."

    So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing
    laps.

    After about thirty laps she climbed back out and laid
    down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said,
    "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance
    swimmer?"

    "No," she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked
    both sides of the canal... "
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  8. #458
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who passed
    way and left his entire estate to his beloved widow,
    but she can't touch it she's 14.
    -
    How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky
    hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta
    leak in my sink," and the front desk replies, "Go
    ahead."
    -
    How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married?
    There is dried tobacco juice on both sides of his
    pickup truck.
    -
    Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
    drinking age in West Virginia to 32? It seems they
    want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
    -
    What do they call rerun of "Hee Haw" in Alabama?
    Documentaries.
    -
    Where was the toothbrush invented? West Virginia:
    If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been
    called a teethbrush.
    -
    A Georgia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75
    and says to the driver,"Got any I.D.?" and the driver
    replies "Bout wut?"
    -
    Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas S
    A man was out walking one day and went by a
    retirement home. As he passed the front lawn, he saw
    nine old ladies, basking in the sun in lounge chairs.
    When he looked closer, he realized that they were all
    stark naked.

    He went to the door and rang the bell. When the
    director answered the door, the man asked if he
    realized there were nine naked old ladies laying
    in the sun on the front lawn.

    The director said, "Yes," and went on to explain that
    the old ladies were all retired prostitutes living at
    the retirement home, and they were having a yard sale.
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  9. #459
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    Mr. Perkins, the anatomy instructor at a posh suburban girls's college,
    said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the
    human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times
    its normal size, and define the conditions."

    Miss Smythe gasped, then said coldly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is
    a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this."
    With that, she sat down red faced.

    Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Summers and asked the same
    question.

    Miss Summers, with composure, replied. "The pupil of the eye, in dim
    light."

    "Correct," said Mr, Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to
    say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirt
    mind...and Three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful
    disappointment."
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

  10. #460
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Here.....of course!
    Posts
    10,280

    Default

    Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets
    office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the
    other is a Great Dane.

    The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks "why are
    you here?" The schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old.
    I don't see or hear very well. I've been having
    accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and
    sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep.

    The schnauzer asks the poodle "why are you here?"
    The poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately.
    I've been especially high strung.
    I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at
    people and I even bit one of the neighbour's kids.
    Nobody knows why this has been happening.
    My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so
    he brought me here to be put to sleep.

    The poodle and schnauzer ask the Great Dane why he is
    here. The Great Dane responds: "My owner is this
    beautiful runway model. Yesterday she was walking around
    the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick up
    something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when
    nature took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of
    her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself. "
    The poodle asks: "so your owner brought you here to be
    put to sleep?"
    The Great Dane says: "No, I'm just here to get my nails
    trimmed."
    New rig
    P4 Titan 8S655FX
    PENTIUM 4 Intel 2.8c
    KINGMAX 2x512 DDR
    GeForce4 MX440
    DVD: LITEON x 16
    CDRW:LITEON 52x32x52
    LG FLATRON F700B
    NEWMEN OPTICAL MOUSE

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •