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Thread: Jokes.




  1. #821
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    A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there
    he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A
    gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an
    erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and
    says, "Sir, did you call for me?"

    The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

    She says, "You must be new here, let me explain. It's a rule here
    that if you get an erection it implies you called for me."

    Smiling she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down
    on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have
    his way with her.

    The man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He enters
    the sauna and as he sat down he farted. Within a few minutes
    a huge, horrible, corpulent, hairy man lumbers out of the steam
    toward him. "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.

    "No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.

    "You must be new here," says the hairy man, "it is a rule here
    that if you fart it implies that you called for me." The huge man
    easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his
    way with him.

    The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is
    greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. "May I help you?" she
    says.

    The man yells, "Here is my membership card, you can have the
    key back, and you can keep the $500 membership fee."

    "But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours,
    you haven't even had the chance to see all our facilities."

    The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 58 years old, I get a hard-on
    once a month, but I fart 15 times a day!"

  2. #822
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    Why is there no Disneyland in China?

    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

  3. #823
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    Two blondes were working on a house. The one
    who was nailing down siding would reach into
    his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either
    toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

    The other blonde, figuring this was worth
    looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing
    those nails away?"

    The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail
    out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I
    throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's
    pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"

    The second blonde got completely upset and
    yelled, "You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward
    you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER
    side of the house!!"

  4. #824
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    :D That's a good one. :D

  5. #825
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    Secrets to a happy marriage:

    It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
    It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
    It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
    It is vitally important that these three women never meet.
    The reason a diamond shines so brightly is because it has many facets which reflect light.

  6. #826
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    That makes a lot of sence Mr.C. :thumb:

  7. #827
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    I'll post it, But I ain't brave enough to try it:eek:
    The reason a diamond shines so brightly is because it has many facets which reflect light.

  8. #828
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    How did Liberace find out that he had six weeks left to live?

    His gerbil came out and saw his shadow!

  9. #829
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    I think I'm gonna' hurl!
    The reason a diamond shines so brightly is because it has many facets which reflect light.

  10. #830
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    There was a middle aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teenage
    daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
    wanted.
    After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine
    months later, delivered a healthy baby boy.
    The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one
    look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
    He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be
    the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I
    fathered." Then he gave hera
    stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
    The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."

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