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Thread: Jokes.




  1. #971
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    Jul 2002
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    blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says, "Hi! I'm here to see the doctor!"
    In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says, "Miss, this is a library."

    So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."

  2. #972
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    What not to say to a naked man.

    1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
    2. Ahh, it's cute.
    3. Who circumcised you?
    4. Why don't we just cuddle?
    5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
    6. It's more fun to look at.
    7. Make it dance.
    8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
    9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
    10. It looks like a night crawler.
    11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
    12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
    13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
    14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
    15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
    16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
    17. Oh no, a flash headache.
    18. (giggle and point)
    19. Can I be honest with you?
    20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.

  3. #973
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    "You remind me of a famous movie star."
    "Really? Which one?"
    "Lassie."

  4. #974
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    What's the position to make ugly babies?
    Ask your parents.

  5. #975
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    A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
    The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

    The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''

    The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

  6. #976
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    ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
    Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)

    Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

    Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

    Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed

    Spouse's Name: __________________________

    Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet

    Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___

    Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

    Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

    Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

    ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

    Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed

    Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_

    Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest

    ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

    How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A

    Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man

    How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know

  7. #977
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    Jul 2002
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    What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common?
    They're both fun as long as your friends don't see you on 'em!

  8. #978
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    What is the difference between a BMW & a porcupine?
    The pricks are on the inside

  9. #979
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    This lady goes to the doctor for a check up.
    When she gets home her husband asks, "So how did the appointment go?"
    She replies, "He said, I have the body of a twenty year old.
    Her husband says, "Oh yeah. and what did he have to say about your forty year old ass?"
    She says, "Your name didn't come up."

  10. #980
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    Jul 2002
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    ''Add this up for me. A ton of sawdust, a ton of old newspaper, and a ton of fat. Now, have you got all that in your head?''

    ''Yes.''

    '' Yeah, I thought so.''

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