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Thread: Change in TweakTown's Slogan?




  1. #11
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    Geez oh Pete, Jedi - you got a colorful existence!

    That should have a thread of it's own.

    can I get 6 copies of that?
    The reason a diamond shines so brightly is because it has many facets which reflect light.

  2. #12
    Beefy Guest

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    Although an interesting read, wtf has that got to do with this? :)

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefy
    wtf has that got to do with this? :)
    Every rose has a thorn, and every fat man has his donuts...

    EDIT:
    I haven't talked to you for how long now, and this is how you welcome me back???

  4. #14
    Beefy Guest

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    I've welcomed you back a lot of times now. I just accept it as something happens now. No big fuss. And I got no donuts...

    PS. Welcome back.

  5. #15
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    Dale, like myself, was born and raised on a farm, and lived just a couple
    of miles away from me. He came from a large family with six kids, and he
    was a year older than I am.
    Dale learned to drive and repair vehicles at an early age, thanks to
    running tractors on the farm, and stealing one for a joyride around the
    fields every once in awhile when his parents were away. He dropped out of
    school after the ninth grade, and by the time he was 18, he was making $25
    an hour driving a huge dump truck for my dad's excavating business.
    One of the first vehicles he owned was an old '64 Chevy pickup that was
    pretty much stripped of everything except seats and a very powerful
    engine. Everybody called it the "stump puller" because of its ridiculous
    amount of torque. Just by punching and letting off the accelerator
    rhythmically, he could get the front end to hop completely off the ground!
    This was partially due to some really, really wide rear tires, a pair of
    Mickey Thompson 50-series that were wider than they were tall, not
    something commonly seen in the 70's.
    He did a lot of crazy ****e in that pickup. One day, I was driving home in
    my lime green Pontiac Ventura when I spotted him nearly half a mile away,
    driving in my direction on a long, straight stretch of road near my house.
    He spotted me too, and we both punched it and roared toward each other.
    Now, I had been working with him an entire summer that year, both of us
    driving dump trucks on a project on my dad's farm. We played a lot of
    "chicken" with the dump trucks while hauling dirt, and were each familiar
    with the other's driving habits.
    Anyway, as we approached each other on the street that day, each doing a
    good 85 MPH or so in a 30 zone, I steered over into the oncoming lane, and
    he did the same. At the last second, we both jumped back into our
    respective right lanes as we went flying by the local Minit Mart in
    opposite directions. If anyone was watching, they probably ****e
    themselves.
    One day, Dale picked up a friend of mine and I in the "stump puller" and
    we drove off to a nearby neighborhood to get s****d. On the way out of
    this neighborhood, the road went up a fairly steep and isolated hill, a
    good spot for doing burnouts. Dale wound it up, dropped the clutch, and
    the Mickeys filled the valley with smoke as the pickup roared slowly up
    the hill. We were laughing like hell as the Chevy actually slowed down and
    stopped moving forward, even with the accelerator to the floor and the
    tires still spinning. When Dale finally let off, the truck started sliding
    backwards and sideways on a trail of hot rubber as he jumped on the
    brakes. We had liquefied the Mickey Thompson 50s! I don't know how much
    longer that pair of tires lasted.
    Now, when we were teenagers, we spent a lot of time in cars. It was always
    a good way to get away from your parents and exercise what freedom you
    had. In this atmosphere, Dale understood this rule: He who controls the
    set of power window switches controls the world.
    Dale's stump puller didn't have power windows, but his next two cars, a
    '67 Chevy Impala fastback coupe and a big four-door T-Bird, about a '70 or
    so, both did.
    Dale would wield control of the power windows like a fascist dictator, to
    punish or embarrass his passengers.
    One weekend, Dale, his girlfriend Tammy, my friend Greg and I decided to
    take a road trip to Lion Country Safari, one of those "drive-through" zoos
    about three hours away. In the park, as we passed through a flock of
    ostriches in Dale's big red T-Bird, one very large and curious bird put
    its face against the glass where Tammy was riding in the passenger seat.
    Greg and I were in the back and laughing like hell at the stupid-looking
    bird, and Tammy began shrieking. This made us laugh even harder, and made
    Dale roll down Tammy's window. With Tammy still screaming, the ostrich
    poked its freaky head and neck clear into the car, eyeing the screaming
    woman with a blank look, then turning and gazing at the two laughing
    retards in the back seat. Greg and I laughed so hard we nearly peed our
    pants.
    But the best incident ever was one I missed for some reason, but had
    recounted to me.
    Dale and Greg were driving around the downtown of a nearby large city one
    evening in Dale's '67 Impala, just screwing around and looking for
    something to do. Now, Greg was a shy fellow of about 18 at the time, and
    would not have his first girlfriend until he was about 35 years old. This
    made him an easy target for an extroverted sort like Dale.
    Dale spotted a nice looking woman on the sidewalk ahead, waiting for a
    crosswalk light. He pulled over to the curb.
    "Ma'am?" he yelled at the woman. She looked up. Dale motioned her towards
    him, and she walked toward the car.
    "Yes?"

    "Ma'am, could I get a kiss?"

    The woman stepped backwards, but seemed mildly amused. "I don't think so,"
    she replied.
    Dale floored it on out of there, then made a U-turn. The woman had crossed the street and was now waiting for
    another light to turn.
    Dale pulled up to the curb again, this time with the passenger side of the
    car, and Greg, facing the woman. He rolled down Greg's window and held it
    down.
    "Ma'am?" Dale yelled, getting her attention again. Again, she approached
    the car.
    "Yes?"

    "Ma'am, could my friend get a kiss?"


    EPILOGUE:

    DALE later married TAMMY. They have three kids and live on a nice farm
    with, among many other critters, some emus, a close cousin of the ostrich.

  6. #16
    Beefy Guest

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    Stop it. Stop it now. You know I can't read...

  7. #17
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    On a cool Fall afternoon after school had ended for the day, Lucas Moore
    went home to find out that his mother had not returned from work yet. So
    as he usually did when this happened, he went next door to the home of Mr.
    Ernest Potts, who served as Lucas' "grandfather figure" since Lucas'
    father had died.
    Lucas entered the Potts' home as the old man began to light his pipe and
    Mrs. Lucinda Potts was boiling a pot of coffee on the stove, filling the
    house with a distinct aroma. "How ya doing, Luke?" said the old man as
    Mrs. Potts embraced the boy and proceeded to fix him a ham sandwich.
    "Pretty good, sir," replied Lucas as he took off his jacket and sat in
    front of the television. As the old man entered the room, he noticed Lucas
    admiring a commercial for the new $300 "Bobby Bildiger" designer warm-up
    suits. "Man," said Lucas as Mrs. Potts brought him his sandwich, "that
    Bobby Bildiger stuff is the bomb!"
    "The bomb?" asked Mr. Potts.

    "That's modern talk for 'with it,'" replied Mrs. Potts, "You need to learn
    what time it is." she said to the old man while giving Lucas a knowing
    wink. Mr. Potts shook his fist in mock anger at his wife as she went back
    to the kitchen.
    "Well anyway," continued the old man," Ain't no way your mama can afford
    nothing like that! Besides, it don't make sense to spend that kind of
    money on something you gonna outgrow next week. I bet that Bobby Bildiger
    don't pay near that much to put his name on them clothes!"
    "But Mr. Potts," protested Lucas, "all the other kids have Bobby Bildiger
    clothes, and.."
    "And all their mamas and daddies going broke behind them too!" injected
    the old man. "So you wanna wear stuff like that just to impress people who
    ain't putting food in your belly or a roof over your head, huh? Well, let
    me tell you what happens to people like that. You ever heard of Aesop?"
    "No, sir." replied Lucas as Mrs. Potts began to listen, "Who's he?"

    "I swear, they don't teach y'all nothing in school no more!" said Mr.
    Potts as he relit his pipe. "Anyway, Aesop was a slave that lived way back
    in Greece around 2,000 years ago. He used to tell these stories called
    "Aesop's Fables" that explained why people do such stupid stuff. He used
    to tell so much truth with these stories that some people got mad at him
    and threw him off a cliff and he died."
    "What does this have to do with Bobby Bildiger?" wondered Lucas to himself.

    "So anyway," continued Mr. Potts as he straightened his glasses, "one of
    Aesop's Fables was "The Famous Jackass Story." Lucas laughed as the old
    man continued, "Boy, don't you laugh at that, a jackass is an animal! You
    know I got better sense than to curse around little children! So you see,
    there was this fella that was gonna take a long trip, and since they
    didn't have no cars in those days, he put all his food and stuff on his
    jackass before he left."
    Lucas laughed again and Mr. Potts said, "What I tell you about that
    laughing, boy?" Lucas immdediately wiped the smile from his face.
    "That's better," continued the old man." So this fella started walking
    down the road with the jackass carrying all his stuff on his back when
    somebody says , 'HEY! That jackass is too little to carry that stuff all
    by himself. You need to carry it yourself instead!' Then the dumb fool
    says 'Yeah, that's a good idea!' and took the packages off the jackass'
    back and carried them himself."
    "While this fool was straining himself trying to carry all these packages,
    another fella came down the road and said, 'HEY- why you killing yourself
    trying to cally that stuff, Put it on that jackass, that's what he's there
    for!' Then our ignorant friend says,'Uh, yeah, I guess he's right!' and
    puts the stuff back on the jackass."
    "The ignorant fool walks a few more miles with the jackass when still
    another fella comes by and says, 'Man, you sure are lazy! A big, strong
    man like you need to take all them things off of that poor little jackass
    and carry the packages AND the jackass yourself!' So wouldn't you know,
    our fool friend bent down and hoists the jackass AND his stuff up on his
    back?"
    "This dumb bunny straddled down the road straining and sweating, carrying
    the poor little jackass while he's kicking and heehawing on his back along
    with the packages. The people who saw this fool started to point and laugh
    at his stupid behind. Our friend finally made it to a small wooden bridge
    and the people started to shout,"Go across! Go across! Go across!'. Don't
    you know our friend was so dumb that he started to cross that little
    bridge with both the jackass and the packages, and all of a sudden, that
    little bridge went CRACK! So both the fool, the jackass, and the packages
    went down in the water while the people laughed and said, 'look at those
    two jackasses!'"
    Lucas laughed while the old man smiled and said, "Yeah, Luke. That's a
    pretty funny story, but it has a serious point. You see, just like this
    man was so dumb that he did everything that people in the street told him
    to do without thinking for himself, it would be just as fool for your mama
    and some of these parents to throw their money away on clothes with Bobby
    Bildiger's name on it that you might outgrow or might go out of style next
    week. Meanwhile, Bobby's living in a mansion while y'all can't pay the
    rent! So the moral of the story is-when you try to please EVERYBODY, you
    end up pleasing NOBODY!"
    Just then, Lucas' mother stopped by to take her son home and thanked the
    Potts' for minding him. After this, the old man went to the kitchen to
    drink some coffee when his wife said, "Nice story, Ernie. But you could
    have used another example."
    "What are you talking about?" asked Mr. Potts as he blew the steam from
    his coffee.
    "Mrs. Potts replied, "Ernest Alexander Potts, you mean to tell me that you
    forgot that time you bought that Cadillac 'cause all the other fellas had
    one, and we was nearly put out in the street for not paying the mortgage?"
    "Aw, hush up and let me drink my coffee in peace!" shouted Mr. Potts as he
    proceeded to do just that.

  8. #18
    Beefy Guest

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    Do that again and those posts get moved..

  9. #19
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    :rofl:

  10. #20
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    Cameron "Mr.Tweak" Wilmot
    Managing Director
    Tweak Town Pty Ltd

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