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Thread: law & order.




  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
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    250

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    The following are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things
    people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
    by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these
    exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent; don't
    miss the last one.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
    forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
    morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
    occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
    which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
    autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law
    somewhere.
    _________________
    Q: What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
    A: During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken
    • Q: What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
    A: During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
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    Posts
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    Now we know where we get your sig from.

    Btw Lmao!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by #Hashx#
    Now we know where we get your sig from.
    it also (and more likely) came off an episode of "Nip/Tuck" where the exact phrase "During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken" was used.
    I've gone too far and need to move on!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
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    Nip/tuck: did'nt watch it.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
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    184

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    great shows....starts again in july after the shield goes off :(

    but anyway those are a riot..... :thumb:

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    250

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    i don't watch crap on t.v
    • Q: What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
    A: During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Posts
    3,141

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    Enjoy your new avatar..

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