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Thread: Random thoughts.




  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    250

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    1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to
    use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

    2. Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you
    still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

    3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and
    I think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'

    4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
    nothing.

    5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an
    argument going.

    6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
    about seeing UFOs like they used to.

    7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a
    woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is
    they're a bunch of liars.

    8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

    9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
    criticism.

    10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred quid
    and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty pence?

    11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
    weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
    realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

    13. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
    whole box to start a campfire?

    14. You read about all these terrorists - most of them came here legally,
    but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15
    years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video
    and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
    immigration.
    • Q: What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
    A: During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    993

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    Saturday Night Live Right?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

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    cant be he can only count back from the number 10 ;) :laugh:

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Quebec, Canada
    Posts
    1,369

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    When you are having an "I hate my job" day try this:

    On your way home from work, stop at your chemist and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Johnson and Johnson." Remember it, a rectal thermometer made by "Johnson and Johnson." Be very sure you get this brand.
    When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.
    Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a track suit and lie down on your bed.
    Open the package and remove the thermometer.
    Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.
    Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it.
    You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested"
    Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company."
    SPAM Special Ops

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    6,297

    Default

    LOL poor testers :laugh:

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