1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.
Just leave me the f... alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the
neighbours newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is ever listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
mortgage payments.
10.Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That
way when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
11.If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12.Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and
he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13.If you lend someone 20 and never see that person again, it was probably
worth it.
14.If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15.Some days you are the bug: some days you are the windshield.
16.Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
17.Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgement.
18.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
back in your pocket.
19.A closed mouth gathers no foot
20.Duct tape is like the force. it has a light side and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.
21.There are two theories to arguing with women. neither one works.
22.Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23.Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24.Never miss a good chance to shut up
25.We are born naked ,wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our arse....then
things get worse.
26.The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed:hammer: