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Thread: Screwups of the Year




  1. #1
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    Nov 2002
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    When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended
    victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
    Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel
    and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
    ************************************************** **********************

    The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
    meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim
    to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one
    of its
    men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger.
    The
    chef's claim was approved.
    ************************************************** **********************

    A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space
    for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
    woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
    ************************************************** **********************

    After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
    that the
    20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to
    Bulawayo
    had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
    nearby
    bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered
    the
    passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were
    very
    excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered
    for 3 days.
    ************************************************** **********************

    An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
    head wounds
    received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries,
    the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
    close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
    ************************************************** **********************

    A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked
    him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters
    swollen
    abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is
    pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor
    that her
    daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having
    sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the
    horizon.
    The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't
    you
    Paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's
    just
    that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three
    wise men came.
    And I was hoping that they would show up again.
    ************************************************** *****************

    A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of
    the
    twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a
    foursome of men playing the next hole.

    Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands
    together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
    evident agony.
    The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to appologize. She
    explained that she was a physical therapist. "Please allow me to help, I
    know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me", she told him
    earnestly.
    "Ummph, oooh, nnoo, I'll be alright, I'll be fine in a few minutes," he
    replied
    breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands
    together at his crotch.

    But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took
    his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put
    her hand inside.
    After a short massage, she asked him, "How does that feel?" To which he
    replied,
    "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

    A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
    something.
    The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
    over
    the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
    For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,
    "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the crap out of me."
    The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't
    realise
    that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the
    driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my
    first
    day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years"




    :rolleyes2
    • Q: What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
    A: During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.

  2. #2
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    Apr 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fieldgenerator
    A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space
    for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
    woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
    ************************************************** **********************
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

  3. #3
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    Yep there's a fool born every minute they reckon but I think that it's more like every second myself. :devil win

  4. #4
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    nice jokes
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
    Latest Microsoft Security Updates.
    Last Updated:
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    If you are a security freak: Use Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer (NT/2000/XP/2003)
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    Linux user since: April 24, 2003 312478
    yabaa dabaa doo...
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiggo
    Yep there's a fool born every minute they reckon but I think that it's more like every second myself. :devil win
    But than it obviously gets worse cuz there's Asklepios
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

  6. #6
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    Sep 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fieldgenerator

    A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space
    for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
    woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
    ************************************************** **********************
    :rolleyes2
    It wasnt me!!!!!!!
    I swear!!!
    But I totally understand :thumb:
    This is afterall the city of Al Capone !!!
    :cheers:

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by dryadsoul
    But than it obviously gets worse cuz there's Asklepios
    how can it get worse when you are already there?
    you are always ahead of me pal :rofl:
    Latest Microsoft Security Updates.
    Last Updated:
    10th MARCH


    If you are a security freak: Use Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer (NT/2000/XP/2003)
    ======================
    icq : 203189004
    jabber : asklepios20@jabber.org
    =======================
    Linux user since: April 24, 2003 312478
    yabaa dabaa doo...
    Customized for 1024x768

  8. #8
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    Did you miss your last shock treatment or are just feeling overly friendly
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

  9. #9
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    nah...i just read your post in another thread and i m treating you like other patients we have in our psyche ward :laugh:
    Latest Microsoft Security Updates.
    Last Updated:
    10th MARCH


    If you are a security freak: Use Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer (NT/2000/XP/2003)
    ======================
    icq : 203189004
    jabber : asklepios20@jabber.org
    =======================
    Linux user since: April 24, 2003 312478
    yabaa dabaa doo...
    Customized for 1024x768

  10. #10
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    well, i've been to Bellvue.........but they kept returning me as defective beyond repair : omg:
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.

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