A Parrents Advice Needed....

[StormyWeather]

Ok I need some advice:

I have a 13 year old daughter....who was busted by the cops Tuesday for skipping school. She just got back from a 3 month vacation with her grandmother. Her attatude before she left was pertty much a big pain in my butt.... always talking back never wanting to help out with the house.... she was just one hell of a pain in the butt. Well since she has been back her attatude has been greatttt... No smart mouth... no talking back..... Anyways what would you do as punishment for her skipping school.... now the cop did say to me... that up until now her grades are good and her attatude at school has been very good.

[drpeterbright]

I'd cut her some slack & not overdo the punisment. Stress your expectations on grades & not missing school. GIve her a performance goal rather than a punishment.

[Darthtanion]

I too would probably go with a pretty light punishment. She has been showing a willingness to improve, so let her know WHY you're doling out a modest punishment and this should let her know that while you approve of the great attitude, she must still be responsible for her actions.

[Mr.Tweak]

Locking her away in her room is only going to make her more angry - Trust me I was a kid not long ago.

[HackofDestruct]

come on the best thing to do would be say if the behavior continues something will get taken away and ask why she skipped there may be more than is be given

[bigjackusa]

Rather than express anger when talking to her, be sure to express disappointment. Tell her that you were so pleased to see how much she had matured in so short a time and how disappointing it was to see her make so poor a decision in skipping school. Ask if she sees how such decisions can have negative repercussions and whether such a thing is likly to happen again. Ask her what her opinion is as to an appropriate punishment might be. You might be suprised that her suggestions are harsher than than what you might have proposed. If so, offer to temper the punishment on promise of future good behavior. You might also ask what her Grandmother might think if she were to become aware of what she had done. You might offer to not mention it to Grandma this time so that she will not be disappointed too.

[Mr. C]

I'm glad to not be 13 ATM, quite a trying time as I recall. (though being 39 hasn't exactly turned out to be a picnic either:laugh: )

Sounds to me like she's (in her own special way, of course) the typical teenager.
Seems from what you say StormyWeather, she's a bright young lady so she knows what she did was wrong.

Is it possible there was some unknown to you issue going on that made her feel threatened at school? What was the motive? Motive has a huge impact on the punishment I feel.

Maybe, you should just have a woman to woman talk - if that's possible for a mother and daughter:?:


Of course, if you live in one of those areas where parents are jailed for repeated acts of truancy by a minor child, I'd slap her in military school so fast it would make her head spin!!!!! J/K:D

[Oldbugger]

This is a difficult one....I mean trying to give some advice.....I know I had no grey hair till my daughter came to live with me for about 5 years when she was 13.

Its hard to give any parent advice...we don't really know the situation and we all have different values.

I think you will know what the right approach is given the circumstances. There has been some good approaches mentioned here in this forum for you to consider. Remember it is not the end of the world and you will need to balance an understanding of why she may have done it with the need to get the message across that you find wagging unacceptable....

As her dad (?) you will hold a real special place for her even though there will be times when things get difficult....its all part of cutting the apron strings....In the overall scheme of things this will probably be pretty small bickies and it generally works out well in the end anyway.....just keep the communication alive and LISTEN to her....she is after all a person (almost adult) in her own right

[Kheldar]

I'd love to help but my oldest is only 5 - so I can look forward to this kind of stuff happening

[StormyWeather]

Thanks all for the wonderful advice... I pretty much went easy on her this time.... Telling her that the next time will not be so easy. She will be punished for a month... no tv, radio, phone etc..... She fully understands this. I personally dont think she will be running out and skipping again any time soon. Hopefully she will take this into consideration that the punishment isnt just if she skips school but in all wrong choices she may make....

Once again thanks....

[drpeterbright]

Good Luck Stormy!

[Kay]

i already have the talking back at nearly ten years old............seems to be a part of the coming generation, no need to give anymore advice as it has all been said, just try and survive the teen years I say, soon enough they will reach 21 yrs old and realise you aren't quite as dumb as they think now :kay:

[StormyWeather]

21.... how i look forward to those days.... and futher more when she becomes a mother herself... I am going to laugh my butt off when she comes to me for advice and I charge her for it... and say ahhhh haaaaa paybacks are a b@$ch!!

[Kay]

There are some advantages after all May you be a grandmother many times over :devil win